Sailor Moon Ditzy Style
by angels anonymous
Summary: In a world where brains are important, these characters obviously have er... different opinions? Hey! All, you need are looks? Right? HILARIOUS! IF YOU DON'T READ IT, IT'S YOUR LOSS AND YOU'LL REGRET IT! PLEASE REVIEW!
1. Chapter 1: Tuxedo Hottie

Disclaimer: Like, what's a disclaimer? *looks in a dictionary* WOW! I'm learning so much! Now I know what a dictionary does! I mean... uh... I don't own Sailor Moon? :-/  
  
Sailor Moon: Like jeeze, whatever!  
  
Sailor Venus : Oh stop being so ditzy!  
  
Sailor Moon: Like, oh my god, what did you say? (AN: She's like super mad at her friend, like, can't you tell?)  
  
Sailor Venus : Not my fault that you like fell off the chair and like hit your elbow!  
  
Sailor Moon: I can't believe what you just told everybody! *looks at readers* Don't you hate her?  
  
Sailor Venus : Hey it like comes natuarally  
  
Sailor Venus : I like have to go eat supper now...I will not stuff my face like you do piggy. *giggles*  
  
Sailor Moon: For your information, Miss Piggy is like this big superstar and stuff. So ya, you just like complimented me!  
  
Sailor Venus: What the heck is like your problem?????????  
  
Sailor Moon: Well if you like must know... *turns and sees Tuxedo Mask and the other scouts* Oh my god! There's like a fight with this monster dude thingy! Let's go like win and stuff!  
  
Sailor Venus: But I have to go eat dinner! I mean, I'm sure the evil guy can wait for me! I'm like too beautiful for him NOT to wait for me. *a mirror magically appears and she is entranced by her own like, image*  
  
Sailor Moon: Like fine! Go eat fatty foods and like get fat and stuff! DON'T be a good sailor scout! *pause* Ya know, I have never really liked that name! Let's be called something like, Gorgeous Sailor Babes but better, ya know?  
  
Sailor Venus: That's sounds so freaking awesome! Okay!  
  
*two hours pass and they're still trying to like, think of something better. Oh ya, and like Sailor Venus's mirror has disappeared and stuff* (AN: Hehehe)  
  
Sailor Moon: Oh my god, I have just thought of the PERFECT name! Gorgeous Sailor Babes?! (AN: Am I like the only one having a deja vu?)  
  
Sailor Venus: Brilliant! We are like THE BEST Gorgeous Sailor Babes since like ever!  
  
Sailor Moon: I know! *thinks there, blinking for like 5 minutes* Hey, I just had a thought... aren't we the ONLY Gorgeous Sailor Babes since this side of the mall? Well, with the exception of Sailor Jupiter and those other gals... *trails off, trying to remember all their like, names*  
  
Sailor Venus: You are so smart Sailor Moon! I would never have used such a big word like exception!  
  
Sailor Moon: I know! *a mirror magically appears and she is entranced by her like brains* (AN: Ya, I like know that you can't see your brains in the mirror but like, I had a dream once that you could and stuff... so YA!)  
  
Sailor Venus: Hey girlfriend! Weren't we supposed to be like, fighting some evil dude like two hours ago?  
  
Sailor Moon: Oh ya! *not concentrating cause she is like still looking at the mirror* Moon tiara magic! *it like hits some tree*  
  
Sailor Venus: *is jumping up and down* YAY! WE BEAT THE EVIL DUDES! Well, gotta go for dinner now... *waves and while jumping into the air and disappearing into some faraway place, she like twists her ankle and falls on her bum. (AN: *giggles*)* OWWWW! I FELL ON MY BUMMY! (AN: *giggles*)  
  
Sailor Moon: I'M SO FREAKING GOOD AT THIS GORGEOUS SAILOR BABE STUFF! *still looking in the mirror*  
  
*the other scouts appear and they're like mad cause these two like didn't help them fight the bad guy and they had to do it themselves and stuff.* (AN: Oh ya, and like Tuxedo Hottie is there too... he's gonna be called that from now on? K? Cause like, Tuxedo Mask is like such a freaking boring name and stuff!)  
  
Sailor Jupitor: *fixing her ponytail* Like, you two better have been getting manicures or something important or I'm gonna be majorly pissed! You guys didn't even sprinkle some venus love stuff on the dude! By the way, was it just me or did that bad guy soooooooooooooooo totally like need a haircut?  
  
Sailor Mars: *posing for no reason whatsover* He like needed a major wardrobe change! *pauses while looking at Sailor Venus* Sailor V? That is like sooooooooooooo not a flattering position to be in!  
  
Sailor Venus: But I fell on my bummy! (AN: *giggles*)  
  
Sailor Moon: *STILL looking in the pink mirror thingy* Like, what's your problem!? I did so kick some evil guy's butt! (AN: *giggles*) *Points at the tree*  
  
Sailor Mercury: Actually, according to my definite observations, that is a deciduous tree and not one of the forces that make up the nega-verse brigade.  
  
Sailor Moon: *blinks while chewing bubble gum that came out of nowhere* Like... K? Whatever! *mirror magically disappears and she like runs over and like hugs Tuxedo Hottie* Did you miss me babe?  
  
Tuxedo Hottie: Like, I don't know but for some weird reason, I've been quiet for like the past 10 minutes ever since this gay fanfic even started! Like, I'm gonna give the people who made this script a piece of my dirty mind! I mean errr... clean, clean, very clean mind! *sweatdrops* (AN: *screams and runs away from the perverted Tuxedo Hottie*)  
  
Sailor Mercury: Actually, according to my definite observations, it's been less than 10 minutes... that is unless the reader reads this fanfiction at a below average rate and...  
  
Tuxedo Hottie: Okay, just like ignore what I just said! *turns to Sailor Moon for some heavy make-out time*  
  
Sailor Mars: *desperate to be the center of attention* I'm like, a pyro!  
  
Sailor Jupiter: *not to be out-done* ME TOO! What a coinci... coincide... that word!  
  
Sailor Mercury: Do you even know what pyro means?  
  
Sailor Mars: *blushes* No...  
  
Sailor Mercury: I was talking to Sailor Jupiter... *sweatdrops*  
  
Sailor Mars: Oh... *blushes*  
  
Sailor Venus: HELLO PEEPS? I need like help and stuff! Hit me with some of that healing crystal stuff!  
  
Sailor Moon: *too busy sucking face with Tuxedo Hotttie* Mmmm...?  
  
Tuxedo Hottie: *too busy sucking face with Sailor Moon* Mmmm...? (AN: *still running from the perverted Tuxedo Hottie*)  
  
Sailor Venus: Like, oh my god! This is the end of everything as we know it! I'm dead! This is the end of all people!  
  
Sailor Mercury: Actually, according to my definite observations, your current predicament won't affect civilization that...  
  
Everybody except Sailor Mercury and the two lovebirds who are sucking face (AN: *doesn't know what is happening cause she's still running away from you-know-who*): Like, WHATEVER!  
  
~~~Author's Notes~~~  
  
Oooo, will Sailor V feel better? (I know, I know, the plot is so freaking kool!) Like, I know the fic was so good that it's beyond like, the description of words... but like, try your best to put it in words in the review! like okay? ^.^;;; 


	2. Chapter 2: The Power of Shoe Polish

Disclaimer: Like plz, don't sue me. Btw, what the heck r u big-time-sailor- moon-lawyers reading this? i don't know what to say... I'm touched...  
  
Sailor Venus: *starts crying dramatically* Like, n-n-o one cares about me!  
  
Sailor Mercury: *turns to Sailor Mars* I'll pry the two suck-facers off of each other and you can pretend to heal Sailor Venus's foot. She won't notice the difference.  
  
Sailor Jupitor: Like, what about me?! I'm important too! I'll have you know that Jupiter is like the BIGGEST universe in the world!  
  
Sailor Mercury: *used to their stupidty* Well, Mercury is the BIGGEST universe in the universe.  
  
Sailor Jupiter: *Pouts* Well, if you're sure...  
  
Sailor Mars: *holds a little strip of paper with Japanese words that say, 'like, heal already, i'm like, helping you already' and tentatively puts it on Sailor Venus's ankle* All better! *pets her on the head* Like, what conditioner are you using? I've gotta get some of it!  
  
Sailor Venus: I get it from the drug store. It's illegal cause drugs are bad. But if you're like, totally sure you want to get arrested for it, it's called, 'shoe polish'.  
  
Sailor Mars: *blinks* Wow! Technology these days! I thought like, that was for cleaning windows!  
  
Sailor Venus: *feeling smart* Oh no! It's for making your hair shinier now! At first, I was like, 'Ewwwwwwwwwww, it's made of vitamin shoe' but then, i smartened up and read the ingrediants. And believe it or not, I'T NOT MADE OF VITAMIN SHOE! They should sooooooooooo totally put this in Cosmo, I'm sure that like, girls all around the world would like to know about this conditioner that works so well!  
  
Sailor Mercury: 0.o *thinks to herself, 'oh well, these idiots can't be helped'*  
  
Sailor Mercury: *After sighing, she decides to separate the couple and taps Sailor Moon on the shoulder* Oh look, a flying pig.  
  
Sailor Moon: *Stops kissing, leaving a dazed Tuxedo Hottie* OH MY GOD! WHERE?! Is that it? *Points to a flying blimp*  
  
Sailor Mercury: *sweatdrops* Ya, that's it. You better stop sucking f... kissing Tuxedo Hottie or you won't be able to tell all your girlfriends about the flying pig.  
  
Sailor Moon: Thanks! I TOTALLY owe you one! Come on Tuxedo Hottie, I wanna go catch it! Maybe mommy will let me keep it as a pet!  
  
Sailor Mercury: Actually... Oh never mind...  
  
Sailor Moon: *blinks* You grammar was like totally messed... it should be 'never use your mind'! Jeeze, and I thought you were smart! *Runs off with Tuxedo Hottie on her trail*  
  
Tuxedo Hottie: *While running, he trips over the grass*  
  
Sailor Moon: *turns around* LIKE, NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! My lover boy has been killed by grass. Oh, the horror, the horror... *crumples on the ground and starts crying*  
  
Tuxedo Hottie: Ow! *Gets up* Aww baby, grass will never get between our relationship. Even if all the grass in the world tried to kill me, they would never get me because they're no match for... *cheesy music comes on and he poses as he lifts his head and puts his hands on his hips*... TUXEDO HOTTIE!  
  
Sailor Moon: *mouth is open in amazement and she has stopped crying* YOU'RE ALIVE! THANK BRITNEY SPEARS!  
  
Tuxedo Hottie: *cheesy music continues as he comes up to Sailor Moon and puts his fingers on her lips* Yes, may The Britney Spears look after us forever and ever... *sucks face with Sailor Moon again*  
  
Sailor Mercury: Oh crap, screw this. I'm not getting paid enough for this! *stalks off towards the library*  
  
[AN: Oh double crap... Err... Sailor Mercury is uh... *lightbulb lights up above her head* IS BACK! *sends a Sailor Mercury action figure into the story*]  
  
Sailor Jupiter: *stares at the Sailor Mercury action figure in amazement* Like wow, Sailor Mercury! I didn't know you were like, into the diet thing! It's only been like a couple of minutes and you've lost like a zillion pounds! How did you do it?  
  
Sailor Mercury Action Figure: ...  
  
Sailor Jupiter: *Frowns* I thought you were my friend too! How could you like stay silent like that and not give me your dieting secret! I HATE YOU! IN FACT, I'VE ALWAYS HATED YOU! *starts strangling the action figure* HOW COULD YOU WANT ME TO BE FAT, HOW??????? *keeps strangling the toy*  
  
[AN: (^.^;;;) This isn't working out as I thought it would...]  
  
Sailor Venus: SHOE POLISH!  
  
Sailor Jupiter: Huh?! What? *stops strangling the poor dead doll to dust*  
  
Sailor Venus: *trying to get all the sailor scouts to do 'illegal' acts* If you rub shoe polish on all your fatty spots, the shiniest of the polish gets rid of the fat!  
  
Sailor Jupiter: *Awed* Like, where can I get some of this mystical shoe polish that you talk about? It wasn't in this month's issue of Cosmo!  
  
Sailor Venus: *Nods eagerly* It's not but IT SHOULD BE! Let's ALL go off to the drug store!  
  
Sailor Jupiter: DRUGS?! But they're BAD! I like, don't wanna do drugs! I don't like, wanna get in trouble or anything! *Forgets about killing 'Sailor Mercury'*  
  
Sailor Venus: *Smiles wisely* That's ok, it's like, for a good cause...  
  
*Sailor Venus, Sailor Mars, Sailor Jupiter and the Sailor Mercury action figure link arms as they skip off to the drug store, leaving behind Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Hottie* *Singing to the tune of 'We're off to see the Wizard'* We're off to see the drug store, containing the wonderful shoe polish of here, because because because because...  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~Author's Note~~~~~~~~~~  
  
STAY TUNED FOR THE NEXT EPISODE CALLED 'The Sailor Scouts Adventures in the Drug Store' Anyay... What did you think?! Plz review! :-D I tried using less of the word, 'like'. I don't know about you but if THE word gets said too much, I get toooooooooooo annoyed! 


	3. Chapter 3: The Sailor Scouts Adventures ...

Disclaimer: *Sighs* WWWWWWWwwahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh me no own Sailor Moon... Those bunch of. NO COMMENT!  
  
  
  
*The girls carefully approach a small building with a lighted sign stating 'Drug Store'. Right beside it, a sign claimed that it was open 24/7*  
  
Sailor Venus: *Hiding behind a bush while whispering* Like, there it is. Diet your eyes on THAT!  
  
Sailor Jupiter: *Stares at all the customers streaming in and out of the store* I totally didn't know that there were that much people in this country doing drugs!  
  
Sailor Mars: *Pushes an annoying branch away from her face* Like, why are we hiding in a bush and whispering? I'm not THAT ugly, am I? Of course I'm not! On behalf of Mars, I like, challenge anybody who defies my beauty! *Stands up and shouts* DO NOT BE SCARED OF MY BEAUTY!  
  
*A bunch of passing teenagers snicker as they pass by*  
  
Sailor Mars: *turns to the scouts, serious* They're definitely intimidated by my loveliness.  
  
Sailor Mercury action figure: ...  
  
Sailor Mars: Hey look, Mercury! No need to like, get so angry at me! Don't be like, scared of my beauty but don't be jealous of it either!  
  
Sailor Mercury action figure: ...  
  
Sailor Mars: That's it! I've had it with your prissy attitude! Wanna take this outside?! Huh? Huh?  
  
Sailor Venus: Like look, do you want to get the shoe polish or not?  
  
The others: *Silence*  
  
Sailor Venus: FAB! Now, follow me! Don't get lost now. There's over like 20 cm square of space here and if you get lost, we might never find you again!  
  
*Everybody follows Sailor Venus in a beeline. Sailor Mars is holding 'Sailor Mercury' by the hand. Sailor Venus slowly approaches the store greeter.*  
  
Drug Store greeter: Hello, I hope you enjoy your shopping experience.  
  
Sailor Venus: *Trying to fit in* Like, what's up my homie? Um... Like, what else? *tries to think* Err... Raising the roof this evening? *Puts both her palms above her head, both of them facing the roof as they do an awkward upwards and downwards and upwards and downwards (it goes on and on...) motion*  
  
Drug Store greeter: *Blinking* Um... sorry but we don't sell roofs or house building materials.  
  
Sailor Mars: Oh no, we're not interested in *nudge* *nudge* *wink* *wink* roofs or building materials. We're just here for... *leans over, whispering in the greeter's ears* shoe polish.  
  
Drug Store greeter: Oh, they're in asile 4. *grins, finally understanding what the heck these weird girls standing in revealing clothing wanted*  
  
Sailor Jupiter: Remember, this was like, just some dream? Like, ok? *waves her in a spiraling motion* Dream... it was like, all a dream. We were never here to buy shoe polish from your drug overlordiness...  
  
Drug Store greeter: 0.o *seriously spooked* Ok...?  
  
Sailr Jupiter: *running to catch up with the other scouts* Hey girlfriends! I sooooooooo totally handled the bouncer back there!! She thinks that this was all a dream. Hahahaha, she is like, soooooooooooo stupid!  
  
Sailor Venus: Good job!  
  
Sailor Mars: Definitely!  
  
Sailor Venus: *walking as the scouts continue to follow her* Ok... Here's asile one... two... three. I CAN'T FIND ASILE FOUR! Oh my god, I've already checked 3 asiles. Where can it possibly be?  
  
Sailor Mars: *Looks around* Look, asile four! It's right beside asile 3! You'd think these druggies would learn to organize things for ya!  
  
Sailor Jupiter: *rolls eyes* That's druggies for you... too busy doing... um... drugs and stuff... TO LEARN TO COUNT PROPERLY! *rolls eyes again for extra effect*  
  
Sailor Venus: Hey, if we're gonna buy shoe, doesn't that make us druggies too? I CAN SOOOOO COUNT! Oh well, as long as I get that shoe polish, it'll be like, totally good.  
  
Sailor Mars: *walks down the asile, checking out the merchandise* Oh my god, look at that... there's some shoe polish! And it's on sale for only $2.99! Like wow! The drug overlordiness peoples must be in a really good mood to give us a discount!  
  
Sailor Jupiter: Wow! But a sale? I don't like the sound of that. When I buy my clothing, if it's on sale, it's like TOTALLY out of fashion!  
  
Sailor Mars: Wow, maybe you're right. I guess this means... it's so out of fashion, that it's in!  
  
Sailor Jupiter: You're a genius, Mars! *gives her a high-five*  
  
Sailor Mars: Let's get six of them! *Piles a bunch in her arm* Ok! Let's go! Now... where is the drug overlordiness so we can pay for this?  
  
*They wander around the drug store until they reach the asile of toys*  
  
Sailor Mars: HOLY MOTHER OF BRITNEY SPEARS! There are at least a zillion sailor scouts here! *Points at the tiny section of sailor moon action figures*  
  
Sailor Jupitor: *tears swell up in her eyes* And they're all so skinny! How can we like, fight them?! They're clones of us and they're all so beautiful!  
  
Sailor Venus: NO! And we like, left Sailor Moon all alone! These evil bad dudettes will for sure harm her too! Well, this like, sooooooooooo totally settles it! *begins bitch slapping the toys*  
  
*Before the others have a chance to attack, an employee notices them destroying the action figures*  
  
Employee: Excuse me but what are you doing?  
  
Sailor Mars: We're saving the world! DUH!  
  
Employee: By breaking a bunch of action figures? *he uplifts his eyebrow as he pages for the manager*  
  
Sailor Venus: NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Please don't call your drug overlordiness to kill us! He'll like, send for the godfather and we'll be dead for like, sure!  
  
Sailor Jupiter: *Ignores Sailor Venus's outburst* Action figures? Are you, like, trying to tell us that these are just toys?... toys sent from the negaverse to kill us? Everything is coming together now... SAILOR MERCURY IS ACTUALLY A TOY SENT FROM THE NEGAVERSE TO KILL US! I knew it was strange how she was, like, suddenly so skinny... and how she wouldn't tell me her dieting secret... I'LL KILL YOU SAILOR MERCURY, KILL YOU! *takes 'Sailor Mercury' from Sailor Mars's hand and starts strangling her again*  
  
Employee: 0.o... Ok... your obsession with the sailor scouts are a little out of hand...  
  
Sailor Mars: *Shrugs and figuring that the other scouts can solve this problem themselves, she decides to try this lengndary, shoe polish*  
  
*The manager appears and looks at Sailor Jupiter strangling an action figure, Sailor Venus begging, and a Sailor Mars opening a package of shoe polish and putting some into her hair*  
  
Manager: Holy mother of...  
  
Sailor Mars: *thinking she was helpful* Britney Spears  
  
Manager: Huh?  
  
Sailor Mars: *smiles idiotically* Holy mother of Britney Spears?  
  
Manager: *Turning to the middle-aged employee* What is with this generation these days?  
  
Sailor Mars: Hey, I THINK THIS IS WORKING! Look how shiny my hair is? A little greasy, yes, but also totally, fabulously, SHINY!  
  
Sailor Venus: Who cares?! We're about to be like, killed by some godfather dude! *starts crying*  
  
Sailor Jupiter: I'll kill you Sailor Mercury, KILL YOU!  
  
Manager: *Mumurs under breath* There's still 4 days until halloween and already, the weirdos are out TRICK-or-treating.  
  
~~~~~~~Author's Note~~~~~~~~  
  
I hope I didn't offend anybody :-/ If you are though, just post a comment, and I'll do my best to fix the story a bit :-D... 


	4. Author's Note

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Author's Note~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Hmmm... wow, so many flames :) Oh wellsies. It was just an experiment. thankies to all who reviewed. Just to let you know, I PURPOSELY tried to make the first chapter really bad. I wanted to see how many people would flame it... However, I DID try in chapters 2 and 3. Can you tell? lol. Just wanted to tell you that this story is being discontinued. Ta-ta. 


End file.
